Why Do I Not Have More Self-Love?

Titlepic: Why Do I Not Have More Self-Love?

Why is it that my amount of self-love and worthiness is no greater than this? What is the cause of this lack of love for myself?

KEYWORDS: Abraham-Hicks, alignment, appreciation, beliefs, comparing ourselves to others, emotions, feelings, Inner Being, law of attraction, philosophy, psychology, self-love, thoughts.



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As I concluded in my last blog post on self-love, it is a good idea to try to “generate”, or “build”, more love for ourselves.

But one might ask: Why should it be necessary, in the first place, to try to “generate”, or “build” more self-love?

For if Abraham-Hicks are right about that every human who is born is coming directly from Source, where everyone is filled with an almost unlimited amount of joyful, positive energy, how could I, in the present moment, not be loving myself almost unlimitedly as well?

In other words, why do I not have more appreciation for myself than this? Where has all (or much of) my self-love and worthiness gone?

Lack of Self-Love

One way of “discovering” that one’s self-love isn’t what it should be is to realize that something is “off” when one thinks badly of oneself.

This is why Abraham-Hicks say in The Vortex (p. 120):

“…when you find fault with yourself…you will always feel negative emotion…”

And a few pages later, they say (p. 125; emphasis in the original text; my square brackets):

“When you do not love you [as your Inner Being does], you feel the discord.”

One example of this is when someone who is overweight thinks their body (or their nose, or their mouth, or their right foot) is ugly, unattractive, or otherwise unappealing (without comparing it to anyone else’s body). So they feel bad.

Another example of feeling bad could be when they (negatively) evaluate something else about their features (traits) and capabilities (potentialities) that they are not happy with.

Self-Love, Action, and Blame

Another example is when we have done something that resulted in some sort of self-injury (whether physical, or economical, or emotional, etc.). At that point we may lament and say “Why did I do such a stupid thing in the first place? If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be in this situation!”

And yet another example is when we cause some problem for other people that we care about: “Why did I act in that way? If I hadn’t, those other nice people wouldn’t have suffered like this!”

So basically what’s happening is that we are blaming ourselves for this and that. That leads us to the idea of defining the lack of self-love as the presence of self-blame.

In other words, the more we are blaming ourselves (for whatever reason), the less self-love we have.

Thus, the existence of self-blame is a very good indicator of our low degree of self-love. So, in general, we must try to remove as much of that self-blame behavior as possible, in order for us to enable more love for ourselves.

Self-Love and Comparison with Others

Another aspect of self-love has to do with our common behavior to compare ourselves with others.

This type is not a result of any action on your part that you are later blaming yourself for. Rather, this is simply a critique of, say, your natural physical appearance, or your natural practical abilities, which is, in your eyes, faulty or otherwise insufficient in some way, compared to those of other people.

For example, we could compare some of our physical attributes with those of famous actors, models, or other, in our eyes, attractive or competent people.

So women might think things such as “My nose isn’t as cute as the one Jessica Biel has”, or “My body is not as sexy as Jennifer Lawrence’s is” and similar thoughts.

And men might think things such as “My six-pack is not as well-defined as Jason Statham’s”, or “My smile is not as attractive as Tom Cruise’s”.

Such thoughts can also be extended to include others’ abilities, behavior, and status. Thus, the resulting thought is effectively downplaying your own status and importance, and therefore also feels bad.

Any of these thoughts are a sure indication of that your self-love is less than it could be.

So here the reason for the lesser self-love is that you are comparing yourself with others. When you learn to stop comparing yourself with others (whom you estimate higher than yourself), your self-love will automatically increase (assuming that you are not starting to do other, also negative evaluations, instead).

Self-Love and My Inner Being (1)

So why do we find fault in ourselves? Why do we compare ourselves with others?

Here is one answer from Abraham-Hicks, as it is given in their The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent (p. 288):

“So the feeling of not liking yourself or someone else, the feeling of anti-love, is the feeling of introducing vibrations that do not allow a pure Connection with the Energy that is love.”

And what do they mean by the phrase “the Energy that is love”? They are referring to themselves, as Source, or Inner Being.

Thus, the main reason that we feel that we are not liking ourselves is that we are out of contact with Source, our Inner Being. This is clear when Abraham-Hicks phrase themselves slightly differently in The Vortex (p. 77):

“We want you to know that whenever you are choosing to think unkind thoughts about yourself (or anyone), you are counter to your Inner Being, who only feels love for you.”

And in a similar vein they say in Money, and the Law of Attraction (p. 19):

“Your Inner Being focuses only on your success–when you choose to see something you are doing as failure, you are out of alignment with the perspective of your Inner Being.”

So the logic is that because you are out of alignment with your Inner Being, you are thinking badly of yourself (and others). Because your thoughts are not as positive as those your Inner Being offers, you are feeling bad.

Self-Love and My Inner Being (2)

Practically speaking, then, your self-love is proportional to how much love you have for your own Inner Being. If you really love your Inner Being, and consciously align your thoughts with the thoughts of your Inner Being, your self-love will be optimal, and you will feel good (cf. The Vortex, p. 86).

But if you have no idea of an Inner Being, or if you are aware of them, but still do not align your thoughts, then there will be little self-love as a result. And you will feel bad.

And the reason that you are not aligned better (if that is your position) is that, somehow, you have trained yourself out of loving yourself (cf. The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent, p. 287).

Well, I should say that better: You have accepted the idea that you should not love yourself so much, because you are listening to others’ opinion too much (The Vortex, p. 126):

“Again, you are looking for love in all the wrong places.”

So the “mistake” most of us have done is to let other people here in our space-time reality to disconnect ourselves from our incredibly potent Inner Being, and thereby creating all kinds of self-love and self-esteem issues for ourselves.

We should not seek love from those people, primarily, but from our own Inner Being. And we should not be so interested in what other people are feeling, at the expense of our own feelings.

If we can make those adjustments, we will be in a much better place.


Focusing on self-love is incredibly important. It is an intrinsic part of the art of deliberate creation with the Law of Attraction. So we must consciously adjust our lives so that we can increase our love of ourselves, and others.

So in future posts we will focus more on how to practically achieve more self-love, and also explore similar questions regarding self-esteem and worthiness.

Until then, best of luck with your Law of Attraction practices and processes!

Chris Bocay


Photo collage of my personal copies of the references used for the article 'Why Do I Not Have More Self-Love?'.

  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2006), The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]
  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2007), The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]
  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2008), Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]
  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2009), The Vortex: Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]

Copyright © 2023 by Chris Bocay. All rights reserved.

First published: Mon 4 Apr 2022
Last revised: Tue 5 Sep 2023

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