Why Reach for More Self-Love?

Titlepic: Why Reach for More Self-Love?

Is it a good idea to reach for more self-love? Does that not translate to becoming more selfish, and thus making me less popular, and less liked, by other people?

KEYWORDS: Abraham-Hicks, appreciation, beliefs, clarity, emotions, feelings, gratitude, law of attraction, philosophy, psychology, satisfaction, self-love, thoughts.



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Today’s topic is self-love. And the main question is this: Is it a good idea for me to actively try to, somehow, “accomplish”, or “generate”, or “build”, more love for myself?

So if I, in a future state, were to have more love for myself, would that then “pay off” in some way? Would there not be some negative consequences if I raise my self-love to a higher level?

Let’s find out!

We Are Love

Self-love is natural. For we are, constitutionally speaking, “liquid love”. We are essentially pure consciousness, and in our most pure state we naturally flow streams of love.

This is why Abraham-Hicks says (The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent, p. 287):

“the essence of you…is love.”

And why am I love? Because I am a child of Source (The Vortex, p. 101):

“…Source and the Love that is really who I am.”

So we are lovers by nature. And when we love (someone or something), we feel great. But when we don’t love, we don’t feel good at all.

In such a situation, when we don’t love, the most “logical” step then would be just stop that “not loving” thing, and instead start loving. But in many cases, it’s not possible to make such a transition immediately.

Why is that? Because the Law of Attraction is, in that situation, “holding us hostage”: the Law of Attraction just bounces back our own non-loving vibrations, so that we get inundated with more thoughts in the “not loving” category.

So one must therefore consciously have (or learn to attain) control over one’s thoughts in order to be able to transition to a more loving state of being. That is the art of mastering the Law of Attraction, as it relates to one’s own life.

The Importance of Self-Love

In order to really enjoy one’s life, it is essential that one loves oneself.

One reason for this is that in order to really have the potential of a wonderful life, one must have a wonderful body, with full functionality. And having, and keeping, a wonderful body with full functionality is more or less impossible if one does not think highly of oneself.

So our goal, as students of the Law of Attraction, should basically be compatible with the observation of Abraham-Hicks (The Astonishing Power of Emotions, p. 35; emphasis in the original text):

“We would much prefer that you find yourself in feelings of eagerness and love and joy than in those of fear or hatred or anger.”

And that observation is not a statement to be taken lightly, in terms of its importance for our overall well-being and success. For Abraham-Hicks points out that self-love is among the top things that we have to acquire if we are going to feel really good (Ask and It Is Given, p. 103):

“Appreciation and self-love are the most important aspects you could ever nurture.”

But why is it so? Well, they tell us the reason in the next sentence (Ask and It Is Given, pp. 103-104):

“Appreciation of others and the appreciation of yourself are the closest vibrational matches to Source Energy of anything we have ever witnessed in this Universe.”

In other words, the more we appreciate ourselves (as well as others), the closer we are to the loving state of our Inner Being (Source). And the closer we get to our Inner Being, emotionally speaking, the better we feel.

And it is this desire to reconnect with our Inner Being and its positive life-force that drives us (The Vortex, p. 63):

“There is no greater driving force in the Universe than the force of Well-Being and self-value.”

So whenever we stumble upon moments of well-being and feeling really good, we automatically want more: “Mom, I want more of that Italian ice cream! Please!”

Why Come into Alignment?

Coming into alignment automatically will take you to self-love. But how should we motivate ourselves (if we are not currently “inspired” to do it)?

Some people may think that one should seek alignment for the sake of others. One motivation could be to align oneself with Source so that one can find one’s soulmate, or so that one can find business contacts, etc.

In practical terms that may very well work out, if one just can keep one’s motivation up for as long as it takes (months, years?). But why engage in such a project just for someone else’s sake?

Our attitude must be more self-centered in order for us to be successful in the long run. And we must also, I think, develop a state of mind of “detachment” to manifestations, and an attitude of “being care-free” if we are to enjoy our lives. We must have more play and more fun, and (much) less responsibility in order to really thrive.

So why should you reach for better alignment, and more self-love? Because you deserve it (The Astonishing Power of Emotions, p. 131):

“Because you deserve to be in alignment with who-you-are…do it for yourself.”

Another reason for reaching for better alignment and more self-love is simply because it just feels so good. For adjusting your emotions upward (toward more positive feelings) will produce lots of benefits (Money, and the Law of Attraction, p. 20):

“As you tune yourself to the perspective of your Inner Being, your days will be filled with wonderful moments of clarity, satisfaction, and love. And that is truly the way you intended to live while here in this wonderful place, this wonderful time, and this wonderful body.”

Is Pursuing Self-Love Always Good?

So we have seen some of the “pros”. But are there any “cons”? Will there be any bad side effects of me pursuing more self-love?

Well, it all depends on what your state of mind is. The most common worry, I think, has to do with the fact that many beginning students of the Law of Attraction care about what others think, and what others feel, and what others do.

So if the student becomes successful in terms of getting happier and being more in tune with their Inner Being, then they think that other people will notice that something isn’t “quite right” or “quite the same” as it has been before, and therefore might decide to avoid their company.

In this context, Abraham-Hicks say this (The Vortex, p. 100):

“…as you learn to love yourself–the others with whom you interact will not be able to buck that current of Well-Being. They will either love you back–or they will gravitate out of your experience.”

So some friends, family, coworkers, and others certainly may decide to “abandon” you, perhaps even calling you “selfish” or something like that. But who cares? How will you be able to be with them anyway, now that you have such a positive vibration, and they don’t have that same high positive vibration?

We thus need to be more detached, and not care too much about what other people think, do, or feel. And especially so when those people are not a suitable vibrational match to our own emotional state of affairs, and thus have little chance of understanding where we are at.

The only thing we need to concern ourselves with is this: Because of our new positive vibration we will easily find new friends that we can have more fun with than ever before.

In fact, we need fresh faces, fresh places, and less “stability” in our relationships in general. Why? Because we are here on the Leading Edge, looking for New Opportunities and a New Way of Life. For we are the Front Runners, the Explorers of “the new” and “the tempting” and “the fun”.


Achieving self-love is very important. And coming closer to our Inner Being is also very important.

In future posts I will return to the topic of self-love, with questions such as these: Why do I not currently have more self-love than this? How do I get more self-love? And what is the relationship between self-love and self-esteem? And self-love and worthiness?

Until then, good luck with your Law of Attraction exercises!

Chris Bocay


Photo collage of my personal copies of the references used for the article 'Why Reach for More Self-Love?'.

  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2004), Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]
  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2006), The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]
  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2007), The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]
  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2008), Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]
  • Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hicks (2009), The Vortex: Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc. [Link to book]

Copyright © 2023 by Chris Bocay. All rights reserved.

First published: Wed 30 Mar 2022
Last revised: Tue 5 Sep 2023

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