In today’s Dear Chris column, the question is asked: Where is my new boyfriend? Why has he not yet manifested?
KEYWORDS: abundance, freedom, happiness, joy, lack, Law of Attraction, LOA, relationships (for women), scarcity, shortage consciousness.
I discovered the Law of Attraction two years ago, and I immediately knew that this was for me. So I started to put it into practice.
The trouble, however, is that it doesn’t seem to be working very well for me. And my friends are constantly pointing out to me that I must be crazy to continue trying to make something happen, since very few “big” things really have manifested in my life.
I am here especially talking about the thing I want most, a new boyfriend. I do not have one right now, and I really want one. But I can’t see him anywhere around, although I am very consciously trying to locate him (so that I don’t miss him, if he ever comes close).
I am now 34 years old, and I’m feeling that life is slowly but surely “running out” for me, as a woman. I feel that, if I ever were to have a family, it must be now. Or else, I will never have one.
So what should I do? Am I expecting too much of the whole thing? Should I lower my “demands” and “expectations”?
Thank you for your letter.
You explain your situation very well, and that makes it easier for me to understand where you are at.
In general, I think what you are experiencing right now is not a very unusual thing. Many women in your age feel like that.
Now, just relax, and I will talk about some points that may help you in your search for more happiness and satisfaction.
One thing that you seem to be saying is that you are talking to your friends about your law of attraction “efforts”. This is, in most cases, not helpful.
In some (rare) cases, though, it may be helpful. If your friend(s) are veritable experts on actually manifesting things in their own life using the law of attraction, their advice and tips may be very helpful, indeed. Then, in such a situation, you may reach out and talk to your friends and get some good feedback.
But most “friends” are not like that. Most of them don’t know very much about the law of attraction. And even if they know some of its theory and principles, they most probably don’t know very much about actually manifesting things.
Not only that, but they are, naturally, as all people are, also protecting their own way of life (which is typically some variety of “working hard, playing hard”, as opposed to “taking it easy, letting it manifest”). So it may very well be that they don’t really want you to succeed. For if you succeed, then you basically has proven that their style of life is “wrong”.
So the best thing to do when it comes to “friends” is to leave them out of it. Don’t talk about the law of attraction with them, if they are not 100% pure positive about it. And don’t talk about how you are going to “manifest” a new boyfriend with the law of attraction, and about all the practices that you are doing for it to “come about”.
Law of attraction is, or should be, a private thing. To be able to have long-term success with it, you must guard yourself against “ordinary” people with their limited mindsets, and their tendency to ridicule you, or otherwise discourage you. Let them have their mindset, so that you can have yours.
I do understand your concerns about your age and the commonly proposed idea that women have some sort of natural “fertility limit”, and that you (and other women) have “limited time” in terms of conception, etc.
This “concern”, however, counteracts the law of attraction. Thinking like this, that you have limited time, as opposed to an abundance of time, does little to relax you, or to put you in a happy, trouble-free mental state.
You must be happy with your life if you are going to manifest anything. You have to be happy with your current situation, as it is right now, right here. This is one of the most important principles of all.
By simply desiring to have a boyfriend, you have already told the universe that you want it. Now you just have to believe that the universe has prepared a suitable man for you to be delivered when you are ready.
But it seems you don’t really believe that yet. And that is perfectly fine, of course. But it probably shows that you, in general, are suffering from a rather broad lack-consciousness (as opposed to thinking “abundance”).
So not only is there, from your perspective, a lack of time, a time that is “running out”. There also seems to be not enough men (that are good enough for you).
Since your lack consciousness is so evident, I think the best thing to do for you is to leave the whole “boyfriend” (or “husband”) subject behind. You have to stop thinking about “creating a family before 40” and topics closely related to that.
This is because these topics make you unhappy, and they trigger defense mechanisms within you, where you suddenly see yourself having to “explain” your “situation” to others, or to yourself.
This behavior and mood is not helpful in terms of manifesting those things you really want; rather, it is telling the universe the exact opposite, that you are not ready.
So instead, spend more time doing things that really make you happy, right here and now. Make yourself busy with other parts of your life that you really enjoy. Practice your favorite hobbies. Read good books. Eat (and cook?) good meals. Watch funny movies. Become relaxed. Become care-free. Become positive.
We must be very careful what we are wishing for. It certainly is true that most of us desire things that we think will make us happy in the future, once we get those things. But such projections of future happiness do not always pan out the way we think they will.
The point I am making here is that we cannot let happiness be a result of some future condition that may (or may not) happen to us. For if that is our “strategy”, we will spend all our lives waiting for that condition: “I will be happy if he smiles at me”, “I will be happy if he asks me out”, etc.
Instead, our objective, as students of the law of attraction, must be to adopt a non-conditional attitude towards happiness. I simply must be happy, right here, right now, without any particular reason, or for any reason I choose. It’s a conscious decision, to be practiced every minute of every day.
In other words, we have to make ourselves happy. We have to learn to let the law of attraction do its thing, and bring us the things we want. And since we are already happy, we don’t really care about all the other things we want. Those other things are just for more fun. And since we don’t care so much, and we don’t worry about them, those things are free to come at any time.
So just relax, take it easy, and have a lot of fun in the mean time!
Copyright © 2020 by Chris Bocay. All rights reserved.
First published: Sat 25 Jan 2020
Last revised: Sun 7 Aug 2022