In today’s Dear Chris column, the problem revolves around a husband possibly cheating and what to do about it, according to the law of attraction.
Keywords: cheating, husband, law of attraction, living together, marriage, relationships (for women).
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I am a housewife in my late thirties and I have two kids. I have been married for 12 years. And I do believe in the law of attraction.
The reason I am sharing this is because I am experiencing some problems with my husband, since quite some time, and I have a definite sense of it not being temporary.
Our relationship, in a romantic sense, is very different now, compared to how it was when we met. And it’s also different compared to how it was the first year or so after our marriage.
What was once a very passionate thing, is now, more or less, nothing. And not only that, I also suspect that my husband is cheating on me.
And this is hurting so much. I am trying to be strong and hold the family together, and be of service both to my husband and to my kids. But it’s wearing me out.
So how do I turn around this situation? How do I get back my husband? What should I do regarding his mistress?
Thank you for sharing your questions and concerns.
The first thing to do is simply to relax. Take a minute or two and do some slow, deep breathing. Also mentally reassure yourself that you actually are in a good position even though there may be some small obstacles in the way. And try to believe that all is well. And that everything will work out, somehow or other.
So let me try to provide you with my perspective. However, note that this is only my own philosophy, my take on it. I am not experiencing the situation exactly as you do. Thus, what you actually do about it, is for you to decide.
A Complex Issue
Now, I do realize that this situation might be troublesome for you. And I think there are several reasons for this.
First of all we have the cheating itself. Assuming that it really is a case of cheating (I’m not sure exactly what you mean by saying that you ‘suspect’ he is cheating), then I understand that this might be troublesome for you. The knowledge of him being with another woman might seem to you to indicate that he no longer cares for you, or, at least not as much as he previously has done.
Another aspect is that, if I understand the situation correctly, he has not himself discussed the issue with you. So there is a sense of “secrecy” or “hiding” or “lying” (in the sense of not saying anything about it) about the whole situation.
And a third aspect, of course, is the whole “social facade” thing, or “place in the community” thing. Now that your little family is not as “united” as before (or at least not as “united” as before, as you perceive it to be), it may trigger thoughts like: “What am I going to tell my mother?”, “How will my friends treat me after this?”, etc.
For, from your perspective, it might feel like your husband is “splitting” the family, or that you no longer have a “real” family, or something like that.
The Law of Attraction
So what would a good “solution” to this situation be, according to the law of attraction? What practical tips would be beneficial to you?
Well, as always, it depends on what you really want. But that’s not all. It also depends on what other people want.
And this is partly contradictory, one might think. Isn’t it that it only depends on me? I mean, what’s the whole point of the law of attraction if it does not just depend on me?
One way to explain it can be this: Let’s say that want to attract a hundred dollar bill. But you’re not content manifesting just any old Franklin, but you obviously want a legitimate one, a real one (not a counterfeit one).
But you don’t stop there. Your requirement is that it should be one with a particular serial number. And it is here that it becomes a problem.
For the requirement is extremely specific, which might mean that the process of actually obtaining it in a physical form will take longer, or be more involved, than if the serial number wasn’t a requirement.
Your Particular Requirement
So in the case of your situation, then, your requirement is that you want your husband to stay with you. So it’s not that you want just any (loving, suitable) husband to live with, but that you want a (loving, suitable) husband with a particular serial number (social security number). In other words, you want the husband that you’re already married to.
The trouble here is that, unlike one hundred dollar bills, people are not “static”. People have feelings. And they may not be “in the mood of love” in relation to you. And they may change how they feel about you as time goes by.
This means then that it may be perceived as “harder” to manifest, and maintain, relationships, especially romantic ones. For people have emotions and thoughts and desires that fluctuate. And no matter how hard one tries to satisfy other people, they still do what they really want to do, which may be to leave you, or neglect you, etc.
So one thing to bring home from this discussion is that it is impossible to try to control other people. We can try all we want, and they still do what they want. So don’t blame yourself for your situation. That only makes it worse.
The Abundance Mindset
One important thing to do, I think, is to adopt an “abundance” mindset in general. Abundance is everywhere, and it should be acknowledged and appreciated all the time.
This applies especially to men and women. So many people are looking for “the one”, and then have the idea of spending their whole lives with that person. Why?
I mean, why would anyone, voluntarily, restrict themselves so much? Well, maybe the answer simply is “because I want a family of my own”, or something like that. But why would one want that?
Why would one voluntarily enter into a “close”, “exclusive” relationship with someone else, with all possible things that could go wrong? Well, I think it’s about the desire of loving and being loved, more or less.
So the essence is, approximately, that we want to love more, and be loved more. And we think that (traditional, monogamous) romantic relationships are the way to accomplish that.
And to some extent they really are. For many people really do fall in love. And in many cases the feelings are mutual. So there’s little problem there.
Falling Out of Love
The problems usually start, however, after some time. Whether that time is three weeks, three months, or more, depends on the particular case.
But the common denominator is that the man and the woman now slowly get to know each other, more and more. So they slowly collect more and more “data” about the other person, and especially about the negative aspects of them, and thus gradually fall out of love.
Another contributing factor can be that they are now living together, and therefore are seeing more of the “real” person behind. And we know from other examples that living together is a rather troublesome situation for many, regardless of whether one is in a marriage or not.
In fact, living together is not, in my opinion, a recommended strategy for having a romantic relationship (if it’s a romantic relationship one really wants, as opposed to an “economically stable situation” or a “respectable situation”).
For as soon as both man and woman live under the same roof, the romantic aspect of life starts to fade away, gradually being replaced by “everyday life”. It’s at that point most of the romance, excitement, (sexual) tension, and mystique disappears.
Also, the presence of kids does not make the situation easier. Rather, I think it would be far-fetched to state that the more kids one has, the more “romancing” one experiences with one’s partner.
The only exception I can think of is for people who are very rich; for they can always hire a nanny, so that they themselves can continue with their “romancing” (whether in a monogamous relationship, or not).
The Importance of Feelings
Regardless of whether you want a new husband, or the same husband, or no husband, there are some things you have to start practicing, if you want the law of attraction to work for you.
The first thing is that you must try your best not to worry about your husband’s presumed affair. If you continue thinking, and worrying, about that affair (whether it’s an actual affair, or only a “possible” affair), that affair is going to physically manifest, if it hasn’t already done so.
For according to the law of attraction the rule of thumb is that the more you think about a problem (whether it is a current problem or a possible future problem), the more it will manifest in reality. So you have to think of a way to not spend any time around those negative, crippling thoughts.
Instead, you might want to think about your perfect husband. What are all the good things about your perfect husband, in terms of behavior? What does he do for you? How does his positive attitude play out in your scenarios? How does that make you feel?
It’s important to really notice how you feel about those thoughts. For if it makes you feel good thinking about your perfect husband, then do continue thinking those thoughts. But if it doesn’t make you feel good thinking about your perfect husband, don’t continue doing it.
So if the latter is the case, it’s probably a good idea to stop thinking about the subject matter “husband” altogether. If it doesn’t feel good to think about it, don’t do it. That’s a clear indication that you are, somehow, triggering other, negative, thoughts about “husbands”, either in general, or more specifically, regarding your current husband.
Instead, just choose any other subject matter that makes you feel good (your favorite hobby, the latest TV show you saw, etc.) and focus on that, as much as possible, for now.
The goal, then, is to raise your overall positive energy, regardless of which “topic” or “subject matter” it pertains to. As long as you can put yourself in a stress-free, relaxed, enjoyable state of being, throughout the day, everything will be all right.